I’ve heard ‘em all. Here’s my running list of “Oh hell no” phrases from patients that tell me this appointment’s gonna end in tears… or a tribunal.
🧠 “You’re the expert, I trust you….but my mate last night in the Pub said…”
—Ah, the passive-aggressive abdication of responsibility. Translation: I’m gonna blame you when I don’t like the result.
🫣 “I want to look like [insert celebrity or filtered Insta model]”
—Great, I’ll just morph your bone structure and DNA real quick. Not a problem. Idiot.
🙄 “Tell me if I’m wrong… but”
—They know they’re wrong. They’re just trying to make you say it so they can argue.
🫠 “I’ve had fillers before but…”
—Here comes the novel-length complaint list from their last injector. You’re next in line.
😳 “I want natural… but noticeable.”
—Translation: I want lips from 2016, cheeks from 2019, and a forehead smoother than a toddler’s arse. But “subtle”, yeah?
🧾 “Can I pay in 3 instalments and bring my cousin to watch?”
—No. And also no.
🔁 “I just need a little top-up, just a tweak”
—It’s never “just a tweak”. It’s a redo of someone else’s botch job, with zero photos, zero records, and max drama.
💉 “I bruise easily—so no bruises, yeah?”
—Sure. Let me just switch to my imaginary bruise-free needle from Hogwarts.
🩻 “I had it done abroad but they didn’t give me the name of the product…”
—Let me guess: it was in a suitcase next to the fake Rolexes and hairline tattoo kit?
📸 “Can I show you some pictures I found on Instagram?”
—Only if I can show you my indemnity renewal quote after treating patients who start with that line.
🕵️♂️ “My friend had it for £80—why are you more expensive?”
—Because I use licensed products, have a brain, and don’t inject in a bloody nail salon.
🔥 Drop YOUR red flag lines below. What makes you want to hit eject on a patient consult?
Use this list. Share it. Add your own. Let’s save each other from the psychos.
